In the past year I’ve slowly come to recognize and admit that I’m, by most definitions, a functioning alcoholic.  The trouble is, I want to do more than “function” (and how long, really, until the functional modifier is worn away?  I’d rather not find out).  I’ve made countless attempts to quit drinking, but haven’t managed more than 2 or 3 weeks under my belt before I found myself once again in a pattern of drinking without restraint… then feeling terrible… then realizing that I can’t drink normally… then vowing to quit again…. then drinking again… ad infinitum.

So, clearly, what I’ve been doing has not been working.  It’s time for something different.

This blog is my attempt to not only hold myself accountable, but also externalize all these thoughts swimming around in my head.  When I start to falter, I have a feeling it will be useful to use this space (and the log of my journey so far) to reorient me and place me back on the right path.  It seems to be an effective tool to others in the sobersphere, so I’m going to give it a shot.

After spending so many years “in my cups“, I’m going to attempt to crawl out and stop letting alcohol hold my life hostage.

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3 thoughts on “

  1. Hello there!

    What you say here: “I’ve made countless attempts to quit drinking, but haven’t managed more then 2 or 3 weeks under my belt before I found myself once again in a pattern of drinking without restraint… then feeling terrible… then realizing that I can’t drink normally… then vowing to quit again…. then drinking again… ad infinitum.

    That was exactly me. When I first came to that realisation myself I spent an entire year trying to get to 30 days. I would typically go 2-3 weeks then drink again, drink in an out of control way again, feel terrible, realise I needed to quit, swear off, repeat.” It was such a hard time so my heart goes out to you.

    Eventually I managed to get to 30 days, and then the next time 80 days – only then I drank again (all of this is on my blog – maybe look under ‘relapse’ category if you want the full story) but then I drank again and it took me months to get back on track again. But then I hit another wall and ended up going 7 months sober, which was full of awesome. And, while I have fallen off since then and am still trying to crack total sobriety I have never quite gone back to where I was that first year. It is sooo much easier to go longer periods without drinking and when I do the drinking periods are far shorter before I realise again that I’m better off without because all this sober time and practice has changed me and my life and my perspective on my drinking.

    I hope this is encouraging and not discouraging. There are certainly other bloggers around here who decided to quit and just DID. I’m just trying to say that I’ve been where you’re at and if I hadn’t kept on trying I wouldn’t be where I am now, which is a far better place than where I was back then.

    It took all those attempts to get here. That said, if I could go back and give myself back then some advice I’d say: Gather up all your sober tools (read, blog, listen to podcasts, go to meetings if that’s your thing, just DIG IN) and just DO IT. The more sober time you build up the better it gets.

    Keep posting and sharing. (Because, yes, without blogging and the support/insight of other bloggers I think I would have just given up.) You can do it!

    Lilly x

  2. Thanks for reaching out! It’s definitely encouraging, because knowing other people have had to toil through the “on again, off again” (not-so-)merry-go-round makes me feel like I just have to keep trying, and always learn from each relapse.

    Thanks again for the words of support… I’ve been paging through your blog and see so much of my struggle in what you’ve gone through, so to know that it’s all building up to something better is hugely encouraging.

    C x

  3. welcome~ it took me 3 good years and I finally think I have my sober act together and going in the right direction. one thing I learned is you need a sober tool box packed to the brim. I have podcasts (www.thebubblehour.com) they are awesome and we have a secret group on yahoo and facebook, Booze Free Brigade. http://www.thebubblehour.com/p/sober-resources.html Also, check out Belle and her 100 day sober challenge http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/100-day-challenge/ I had to finally reach out to 12 step meetings and I was scared as hell~ but I did and that is another reason why I am still sober 5 months. Good luck to you and keep blogging~ there are so many of us!
    Hope these help~ Hugs. MB

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