I was a little overwhelmed by stress at work today, even though there was a lot less going on than there has been in recent weeks. I think it was small, normal, daily annoyances that were exacerbated by my mind reflexively veering off towards unwinding with a big glass of wine (or four) at the end of the day, and then having to shake those thoughts away. It’s going to take a bit of time to retrain my brain to not go there so immediately and instinctively, but right now it’s taking some real effort to step back and remind myself that, no, that’s not an option for me anymore. I’ve been in a fed-up mood with work over the past month or two – I like a lot about my job, but there are elements of the environment in my department that are becoming monumentally frustrating – so I think I might be a little crabby that I can’t pull the plug on the work day so completely like I used to be able to with cocktail hour. Even when getting some work done in the evenings, it was oh so much more tolerable with a bit of wine in me (though, as you can imagine, the quality of that work wasn’t always top-notch).
The other problem was I felt a little distracted and unmotivated all day, which could have something to do with how run down I am, still. I slept 8 hours last night, which didn’t feel like nearly enough when the alarm sounded this morning. Anyway, today I felt… out of sorts. No other way to describe it, really. Just not quite right overall. But! Not hungover, not woozy, not flat, not anxious, not ashamed. This is good. I may not accomplish much this evening beyond emptying the dishwasher, but there’s nothing else that really needs to be done immediately. PJs, duvet, and internet/book/TV are going to have to be my new vino for a while.
Today’s sober tools: big, deep breaths; homemade Orange Julius; making some plans for my week off; snuggling with my puppy; early to bed… like, sun is still up, 8:30pm early. Gimme sleep!